June 01, 2003 + 11:32 pm
listening to: rudimentary peni.
currently reading: the picture of dorian gray - oscar wilde
cake or death? cake.

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i got the itch today BIG TIME for a new tattoo. i have about 3000 ideas in my head and can't pinpoint what i want next. it's SO fucking frustrating because it's SO fucking permanent. i feel the need to chronicle this point in my life, that must be it. all my tattoos are very personal in some way and i can't see not having a reminder of this point in my life. is it totally queer to say i kinda feel like a survivor because it's amazing that i'm not dead? i spent a good couple serious months on the alt.suicide newgroups looking for the best way to do it. sheesh. good thing i don't feel that bad anymore!! also i feel it will help bring closure to how bad the past year was and help me move on.

so along those lines i am thinking about a broken heart, or more of a broken heart with cutesy rag-doll stitching pulling it back together. and maybe a tiny little nautical star on either side. am i brave enough to get this right in the center of my chest, full throttle cleavage style?? i can picture it there so well. the other thing i'm thinking of is some sort of heart with an oversized cartoon knife stuck in it, with a banner that says PAIN. i admit i stole that concept in part from a lenore/mr. gosh tattoo i saw...... i will just have to run an idea or two past one of my friends and just see what they draw up. that's the best way to do it. like when i wanted my "the death of love" tattoo...... i only knew i wanted 1. a bomb dropping, 2. the banner, and 3. right above my naughty bits; and jason just set to work and drew up exactly what i wanted. that's what makes a good tattoo artist in my opinion! it was purrrfect. and it's probably my favorite tattoo. here's a pic in case you spies wanna see! :P

- borntokill x

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