September 03, 2003 + 2:15 pm
listening to: the raveonettes. (free sony records promo..... boy do they suck)
currently reading: still waiting for the new martin amis book to land...
cake or death? cake..........

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it's kind of hard to type when you're so cold that your arms are shivering and your teeth are chattering. it's just like 73 out today or something but i still have my a/c on. i'm not ready to turn it off yet because i know that it will shoot up to like 86 degrees or something ridiculous on sunday.

it's also kind of hard to set a new I-MOOD when your are feeling totally emotionally drawn & quartered. when i *want* to select "touchy" and "amorous" because i have the fresh and renewed sense of wanting to make out with every cute boy around me........ and then in turn i want to select "unfulfilled" and "unsatisfied" which both need no explanation. and then a little tiny part of me has this dreadful bit of "aloof" and "empty" just because i am so emotionally dead. and then the last ugly bitter part of me is "perturbed" and "burned-out" because i am just so sickened by yet another failed relationship.

so unsatisfied it is.

i am DYING to meet a guy who makes me FEEL SOMETHING. i haven't even kissed michael once not one passionate kiss in weeks. that's not how it's supposed to be!! i want a guy that makes my stomach twinge when i look at him. a guy who actually convinces me to put up the "back in 15 minutes" sign to go attack him in the bathroom because i can't wait until the end of the day. how can it be so bloody difficult to meet one guy who just makes you feel........... so much, like just so much raw attraction and just so fucking special like you are sharing some kind of crazy secret when you are together?? my guys will claim they feel that way, but nobody ever does it for me. it's unfair. to me and to him. it's always an imbalance and i'm sick of it. so then i just go through the motions until one day enough is enough and i can't take it anymore. i am dying for a guy who makes ME feel electric just being near him. i don't even care about any of his personality traits anymore, i don't care if he's a total scathing prick, i just want to know how it feels to want someone so bad it hurts. so any of you gals out there who have a guy who makes you feel all hot and urgent just take a fucking minute to stop and realize how lucky you are. bitch. haha.

(even if he does hit on your best friend when he's drunk and spends way too much money on lap dances!! at least he makes you feel something!!)

p.s. - did i mention how bad the fucking raveonettes cd is? jeez, don't waste your hard earned pennies.........

- borntokill x

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