August 11, 2003 + 1:41 am

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just laid in the bathtub for an hour and a half. had a glass of wine, talked to michael on the phone. discussed some issues like spending too much time together. feeling on the verge of suffocated. i tried to explain how fiercely independent i am. i like my alone time. i don't get bored easily. furthermore, i am not used to talking to *anyone* on the phone 3 & 4 times a day. he said he was just doing what he is used to doing in relationships, he says most girls are pretty needy by nature. i reply with my standard line of "i'm not most girls". he says "i know. that's why i like you. i don't want to do anything to drive you away". i feel better about things. i think i was just overloaded this week working 6 days in my store plus both fri & sat nights at the bar. i've been accused in the past of making "grand brush strokes" and i know that can be true. but i was off today, and spent the whole day by myself. i feel refreshed now.

in fact i feel so good and clean and relaxed and clear right now, i can't wait to crawl into bed. i covered my entire body in vitamin E cream and splashed on two dabs of lolita lempicka. how did i ever live without this perfume?? i have somewhat of an irrational obsession with fragrances. i am *constantly* on sephora.com and perfumeemporium.com looking for new and unique scents. i do all my research and homework as if making some sort of major purchase and then scout off to search for the perfume miniatures and samples on ebay. rarely do i end up buying the full sized bottle, but this one is calling to me. i have 3 or 4 fragrances that i always go back to, no matter how many i may test drive. these are:

shiseido's femininite du bois. this is my trademark, my standard for the past decade. i have never encountered one single other person who wore this perfume. woodsy, oriental. i get compliments from perfect strangers when i wear this.

babydoll. good for daily use/summer. this is like pink grapefruit crossed with black currant or pomegranate. yummy. light hearted and youthful.

black cashmere. i just discovered this one last fall, in fact i bought myself a bottle for my birthday. i can't wait for the weather to turn cooler so i can use this one again. it puts you in mind of church incense. heavy & woody, unique.

i also sometimes wear this cheap cotton candy scented spray that i buy at like target or something. but god does it smell good.

my entire life changed on thursday when i got my little bottle of LOLITA in the mail. this stuff is..... delicious. packaged in the cutest lil teeny tiny ivy-covered apple, tempting you like eve in the garden of eden. it was marketed as "a fairy tale for grown up women". it has notes of sweet cherries, vanilla, anise, vetiver, and violet. but has a fresh and powdery dry down. but still crisp like green apples. it strikes me as being what dior's POISON should have been. maybe a 2003 version for those who wore poison when it came out (i did). but more innocent. i apply it 4 and 5 times a day; i just can't get enough. i wish i could nuzzle up in my own neck. anyway, girls, i highly recommend it. i even bought a mini lolita for men for michael. i'm such a nerd.

- borntokill x

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