March 03, 2003 + 12:53 pm
listening to: uk subs.
currently reading: kill kill faster faster - joel rose.
cake or death? death.

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it's monday. it's only been an hour and i am already sitting at my computer *loathing* being here. yesterday was so nice - i only left my house once, to run movies back to the video store. i really don't mind being alone at all..... most people really hate to be alone, can't stand it, have to constantly be chasing people around for conversation and company. not me. i get so much more done when i'm not bothered. like yesterday, i watched two movies (go & return of the living dead), worked out, cleaned my living room & downstairs bathroom, did all the dishes, some laundry, and took care of the garbage (which includes cat litter - yuk)

and now we're right back to monday, where i am again forced to sit in this fucking box and hate everyone --- for coming in and bothering me when they have no intention of buying anything anyway. for asking me stupid questions. i literally watch the clock until it's time to close and i can escape. these are all reasons i just don't think it's worth being around anymore.

i started this store because i wanted to sell the stuff i love, i wanted to bring cool stuff into the city. there is only one other "alternative" type store here (well besides lame-ass hot topic chains of course) and everyone complains that they suck. so here i am, trying to make cool stuff available here in our city, and i have grown to hate it....... because sales suck. because no matter how much merch i have in the store people are always looking for that one thing i don't have. well maybe if my sales were BETTER i could order MORE STUFF. it's a very simple concept. but i can't order more dickies girl when i close with $46. days...... there is just no money for it. i haven't even had help in here in 4 months because i can't pay anyone. this isn't how i wanted this to be. it's not worth doing it if you don't enjoy it; and for the entire past year i have hated it. and then if i close everyone will say "oh what a shame" "oh i LOVED that store" etc etc etc..... but they weren't shopping here anyway. i don't know what to do.

- borntokill x

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